Why changing my shirt was the greatest act of self love (and how to turn around shitty moods)

THE BAD MOOD

We’ve all been there: Nothing was wrong other than the fact that it is a tired, rainy Monday morning, and your mood wants to match the weather.  Especially if you were over the moon happy a day or two ago, why on earth is this happening?  For me, I notice all the signs on the outside that accompany that shitty feeling on the inside: I didn’t want to get out of bed, I want to eat everything in my fridge, I go through a mini Instagram-scrolling binge, and I try to walk out the door a billion times but kept forgetting something important each time.  It feels difficult to push a single positive thought to surface of your mind among the negative ones filling the space; thoughts you may not have seen in so long that they look unfamiliar.

Have you ever felt this way? You are cruising steady and then all of the sudden, something flips a switch that leaves you standing dazed and confused wondering why the mood changed.  Maybe you turn toward your mind-number of choice (sugar, alcohol, Instagram, TV…) or lash out at a loved one on accident or start crying for no reason.  You know you are in a bad mood, but you don’t know why and don’t want to take the time to figure it out.  It is so tempting to just play along with that negative feeling because it is so much easier to keep that negative energy rolling rather than turning around and saying “No, I will feel good today”.

On my particular rainy Monday, I saw this negative energy snowballing into a larger and larger dark hole I was about to be swallowed up into.  I could see myself slipping and further into it, while my happy mood sat flailing on the sidelines saying, “Stop! Don’t go down this road!”.  The problem was, I couldn’t see any other path to take.

THE TURNAROUND

I decided that if the change wasn’t going to happen from the inside, maybe I could make it happen from the outside.  (I.e. “Look good, feel good” mentality)

I had thrown on the “I’m wearing sweatpants and don’t give a crap” look and knew I was going to feel frump–no matter how I actually looked–if I left the house, and realized I was at a critical point: either wear my sweats and continue feeling bad or go change into something that makes me excited.  So I marched myself back upstairs and put on a shirt that made me feel sexy.

And it made all the difference.

I left the house in a slightly better mood than I would’ve had I stayed in the same clothes (and mindset!).  Once I made that initial move to start feeling better, the ball could start rolling in the positive direction again.

So why was changing my shirt really so important? Because I was showing myself that I cared about feeling good, and I wasn’t going to let anything else in my day ruin my mood.  If you rely on your surroundings to improve your mood (like relying on somebody else to get you out of the dumps),  you may get disappointed because there is no way to control every single thing that could happen to you.  You take your happiness into your own hands when you start showing up for yourself.

And I am not saying that other people can’t make you feel better.  In fact, there is nothing like another person’s loving gesture to you to help you out of a dark place. But we’ve all been in that spot where no matter what somebody else does for us, if we run with our negative emotions, every effort made can still leave you feeling sad.

THE FIX: SELF CARE

The best way to get back into the sunny view of life means taking care of yourself.  Recognize that you are feeling sad and have compassion.  Let yourself off the hook a little bit.  It’s okay to feel sad.  But instead of self-sabotaging, treat yourself like you were comforting a close friend.

Make yourself a cup of tea.  Wear your favorite outfit.  Go do your that activity that leaves you smiling no matter what. Paint your nails.  Hang out with a bestie.  Meditate.  Eat a meal that will make you feel good, not something that will leave you feeling bloated with a stomach ache (greens, healthy fats, fiber, and quality protein rather than sugar, caffeine, alcohol, or processed foods).  Go to sleep early.  Sleep in late.  Move that bod (don’t kill it in a workout, just break a sweat and get some endorphins running!).  Listen to music that feeds your soul.  Have a dance party (with your friends or solo in your room).

Even if it is small, that first action of self love will make each following one easier and easier. 

Remember, you deserve to feel awesome every day.  You deserve to be happy every day.  You deserve to feel confident every day

Love,
Lucy

What to do when Life knocks you down

Two weeks ago, I walked (on crutches) down the sidewalk crying over the phone to my mom. Why? Because I felt beat down by life and I couldn’t do anything other than run home (or in my case, *crutch* home) to my mom, crying. If you’ve experienced this low before, you know what I am talking about.

About a month ago, I tore my ACL. And despite knowing how disappointing and difficult it is, not to mention how painful, to have an injury, I still have found myself facing more moments in the past month than in the past year or two where I feel like I just don’t have the energy to pick myself back up again. I’ve been feeling a lot of moments where all I want to do is to cry to my mom or and just have my friends take care of me and not have to think about my situation. I was having trouble adjusting to life not being physically able to do the things I enjoy the most: walking or biking to class, playing volleyball, doing yoga, cooking, even holding the door for somebody else. That on top of the fear of wondering how serious this injury was and how long it would be before I will be “back to normal”.

Without having to say, it seems unreasonable to think that we would go through life without having these moments. In fact, that sort of is what life is: a compilation of highs and lows and the moments in between. So why is it that it is still so hard to pick yourself up when you are feeling down? And why is it that we don’t talk about it more?

First of all, it is OKAY to feel this way! Simply recognizing that it is okay not to be happy 100% of the time is half the struggle. You were born with a spectrum of emotions to feel, so why live life without at least being able to feel all of them. As cliche as it might sound, without the lows, the highs wouldn’t be quite as tall. *So give yourself permission to feel your emotions.*

“What you resist, persists”- C. G. Jung

Sit with your emotions. I found this quote through Marie Forleo, and it is one of my favorites.  By giving into the unpleasant, uncomfortable, or unfamiliar emotion, we allow ourselves to get over it faster.  If we avoided them, we might cause more harm than the original feeling on its own.  When we sit with the emotion, it is like tearing off a band aid.  It hurts a lot for a little bit, but afterward, you can focus on making it better. 

Ask yourself what you can learn from this experience. Ultimately, our emotions are here to help guide us through life.  It is easy to see that we tend to do the things that make us happy more than than those that don’t.  At the same time, we tend to avoid the situations, people, or things that bring us down.  The uncomfortable and unfamiliar emotions are just the same, it just takes a but more guts and perseverance to sit with them and question them.  So what can we learn from this experience? In my case, it made me realize that I have been ignoring my intuition.  And my body finally said “LISTEN TO ME!” too loud and clear for me to look away.  I learned that I need to slow down, and by being a bit more physically disabled for the time, I am forced to make decisions on what and who are absolutely necessary for me to make an effort for.  I realize that by running around being so busy, I have been neglecting people in my life who mean the most.  Almost like forgetting to water the flowers in the living room because all I see are the ones by the door on my way to the next meeting/class/event I have to go to.

When you are ready, ask yourself what will bring you back up. Who and what brings you joy? Who is somebody you can go to who makes you feel safe and excited for life?   I, personally, had to sit there and brainstorm things that bring me joy that don’t take that much movement.   I asked for support from people around me. I learned that I have a community around me who cares for me, but who I may not reach out to as often as I want to.  I remembered how much I like to sing, and how I haven’t been doing much of that lately.  Will you reach out to an old friend? Will you make an effort to do something nice for yourself? Will you accept help from those people who always offer, but you never take them up on it? Whatever it is, when you identify it, you are able to reach out and get a helping hand.

Before you know it, you will look up and realize that you haven’t felt that uncomfortable emotion in a long time, and you didn’t even notice it had left.  Life will knock you down sometimes, and that is okay! The key is to let it guide you so you can get back to feeling the way you want to feel and living the life you want to live.

Buona Notte Bella,
Lucy

Lessons from a Dog: You Don’t Live Forever and what to do about it

Nobody lives forever, it’s true; and nothing lasts forever, either.   (I haven’t seen otherwise from any undead in real life…) And as depressing as it may seem to say, and redundant of common knowledge, it is motivating if you look at the positive message waiting on the other side:

Live life to your fullest now and appreciate what you have in this moment.

This thought was spurred by the recent discovery of my dog’s cancer.  We never expected to find a mass in Scout’s nose, because she is filled with life and exuberance and not the candidate I’d peg for cancer.  And yet she started getting nose bleeds, and before you know it, we are walking her out of the animal hospital.  My mind was flooded with equal parts sadness of the impending loss as well as ideas to pack in the most fun-filled activities with her before while she is still in good spirits. Long story short, this revelation has made me decide that life is too short not to fill the lives we’ve been given with the people and things that give us the most joy.

So how can we put this lesson into action?

  1. Decide what brings you joy. And what doesn’t.   As common knowledge as this may seem, we often forget to stop our busy lives to ask ourselves what truly is bringing us joy.  It’s hard to do the things that make us happy if we aren’t sure what those really are.  Along the same lines, this means figuring out what isn’t serving you anymore.  Sometimes it takes some soul searching to really find what floats your boat.  Sometimes this means staying honest with yourself about what really serves you, even it if isn’t mainstream.  Sometimes it is something as small as wearing colorful clothing instead of your black leggings and black
  2. Let go of the things no longer serving you.  Again, simple but sometimes difficult.  These may appear as the things that you end up doing instead of the things you want to do. Or they could be those fears or anxieties that come with actually doing what you want.  Either way, once you identify them, you can let them go.
  3. Make it specific.  How with this joyous activity, person, or thing fit into your life? I dentify specific ways that you can fit these into your average day, otherwise your wishes of “seeing this person more often” or “reading more” or “doing yoga” will stay just wishes.  If you want to spend more time with your grandparents, for instance, ask yourself when you are going to see them.  Is it going to be for sunday brunch or a casual weekday dinner?  Where are you going to be doing that yoga practice? Maybe you feel comfortable doing it at home or maybe your first step is going out to your gym to determine if you like the teacher.

So tell me, how will you pack more life into your life? 

Go out and live how it makes you happy!

Love, as always,
Lucy